Faja

The opening I feel is weak and does not grab my attention. His description of his father is very well written. It made me laugh when he added that his fathers shorts rode "just a little too far above the knee." I can vividly picture his father, and his father's too early five o'clock shadow.
As he writes he tends to say what happens sometimes and then contrast it by saying sometimes not. I don't think this sentence structure benefits the paper at all. But, I do like how he compares his fathers "million yard stare" to the typical military "thousand yard stare."
He uses figurtive language which I feel adds to the paper. He calls his father a "machine," by doing this I get a sense of his uselessness outside of what he is used to doing. I like how he asks the reader what his father is thinking about, obviously its a rhetorical question but it still makes the reader apart of the paper.
The last paragraph I had to read twice to really understand what the point of it was. I feel that it has very strong content but the way it is given across is weak. Overall, I think this paper had good potential but was poorly written.