Once More to the Lake

I enjoyed how the author choice to open the essay with memories. It helps me understand the dynamic of their family. The fact that his/her son had only seen lily pads from "train windows" gives me the idea that they travel a lot. The first sentence in paragraph three uses the term "wild lake," unfortunately I do not know what that means so picturing the opposite is hard to imagine. Thankfully though, the writer continues further with the description and adds detail to the appearance of the lake.When he/she talks about how the lake has not changed in appearance, it reminds me of my "lake." The description of the "damp moss" covering the worms is a disgusting image but a good detail. The sentence about him/her catching the bass and throwing it over the side of a boat in a "businesslike" fashion is well structured. I also enjoyed how the writer included sound elements, very often people forget all other five sense other than sight. Due to this detail I can close my eyes and picture this lake.

Innocence is bliss

I enjoy how the opening paragraph ties into the essay. I have songs that remind me of some memories which helps me connect to the writer. The part in the second paragraph that has to do with the food, I think that sentence is a run on. The description of Colin is very strong and creates a vivid picture in my mind. The part that describes their class I enjoyed reading. "famous" yet "infamous" is a nice contrast. I like how she describes her class kids with acne who didn't know how to fit in. That description is typical of most 8th graders. I like how the writer included an entire paragraph full of description about how styles did not matter but for some reason popularity did. The part about Colin's mom joining in on the gossip made me laugh. I could picture a mother doing that. How Colin tried to ignore her to maintain his "cool" status would be a common action of most 8th graders. This essay is cute, it makes me think of my first dorky romance. I like her closing essay it really does a good job of tying it all together.

hooked

I don't like how the opening is written in present tense, and then the paper jumps to past tense. I think if the writer was going to do that he/she needed to add a smoother transition. The only vivid descriptions I can picture is of the bike. He/she should of added more detail about the scenery such as the colors. I would of also liked to hear more about his/her emotion as they discovered the pond. The first sentence in the third paragraph does not make sense to me. I feel as if i was in a broken time machine. It would of been an interesting detail for the writer to include the look or texture of the worms and such he used as bait. I don't know what bait sounds like when it hits the water, so the writer adding the "kirplunk" was nice, but comparing the sound to something else would of been a good reference. The writer just describes the fish as the biggest fish hes ever caught but that tells me nothing about the length or width of the fish.
I feel this essay was an average one. The story lacked detail and I could not picture the scenes. Also I think the writer jumped around in his thoughts and transitions were needed. This story is probably important to the writer but unfortunately it is written poorly.

Painting with Neil

I like how the topic of this paper is different. The descriptive words in this paper such as "his eyes narrow, eyebrows drop" really gives me a sense of his mood. I think if S.L. should of put that this was a girls varsity soccer team at the top, I was under the impression it was a football game.

S.L. uses the words "previously entertained" to describe a past mood he was in, I think this is a very creative way of writing. He compares Neil's drinking to that of a "stray dog" which I think gives the reader a vivid picture. I think S.L. should of added Big E's presence a little differently, I feel like it was just placed their to fill a space.

I would of liked to know what a vuvuzela sounded like, it would of been a good descriptive detail.

I enjoyed how in between the two games S.L. added the apparent tiredness Neil began to feel. I thought it was comical how quickly Neil's mood changes.  

The ending of this paper was extremely strong. Throughout the paper though I got bored, I think it S.L. would put more descriptive detail maybe I would not of been bored.

Faja

The opening I feel is weak and does not grab my attention. His description of his father is very well written. It made me laugh when he added that his fathers shorts rode "just a little too far above the knee." I can vividly picture his father, and his father's too early five o'clock shadow.
As he writes he tends to say what happens sometimes and then contrast it by saying sometimes not. I don't think this sentence structure benefits the paper at all. But, I do like how he compares his fathers "million yard stare" to the typical military "thousand yard stare."
He uses figurtive language which I feel adds to the paper. He calls his father a "machine," by doing this I get a sense of his uselessness outside of what he is used to doing. I like how he asks the reader what his father is thinking about, obviously its a rhetorical question but it still makes the reader apart of the paper.
The last paragraph I had to read twice to really understand what the point of it was. I feel that it has very strong content but the way it is given across is weak. Overall, I think this paper had good potential but was poorly written.

A practiced grace.

As I read this essay I can imagine the woman's hand flowing up and down as she writes his name on the cup. When he talks about the "practiced grace" I imagine how horrifying children's handwriting starts out as compared to the beautiful he finds within this women's penmanship. I like how he called the two workers conversation "small talk", it gives me an idea of the attitude and depth.
The detail he gives the reader as he observes the women is very descriptive. I enjoy how he mentions the "little bit of her hair" that hangs in her face. It adds a sense of imperfection within her. Also, by him adding her actions that have become involuntary, in my opinion, shows how much detail he is giving to describing her. I think a person's involuntary actions are sometimes more important than the features that everyone can see. For a habit to become involuntary it has to be repeated over and over again. This women had to of been brushing her hair out of her face for quite some time.
He describes the coffee shop's atmosphere as the "perfect soundscape." I never have heard this word before but, in this context I think it really shows the soothing surroundings. Another use of words I enjoyed was when he describes the customer as being "warmer from the coffee and encounter." When someone greets me with a smile and is genuinely happy to see me, I walk away with a warm feeling in my heart just like this man did.
This women seems to be doing her job extremely well. Her patience is not often found, and in her position has to be difficult to maintain. He calls the coffee shop "her world," based off his description I completely agree with that statement.

The Way to Rainy Mountain

When I first began to read "The Way to Rainy Mountain" I became lost in what the true theme of the story was. In my opinion the point of Scott Moaday's essay was not to inform about the heritage of the tribe, but instead to focus on the history of his grandmother. All of the facts about the Kiowa tribe which he uses come from his grandmother's stories. This concept came across strong in the sentence "Although my grandmother lived out her long life in the shadows of Rainy Mountain, the immense landscape of the continental interior lay like memory in her blood. To me, this shows the strong ties the grandmother had to where she came from. 
I did not like this essay as much as the essay "Ground Zero", but both essays do discuss interesting topics. I think "The Way to Rainy Mountain" is a well written essay in which a history of his grandmother's life is remembered.